Falk You! No, Falk You!!

As the 30th anniversary of Britain’s war with Argentina over the Falkland Islands looms large next month the posturing has been ratcheted up.

Over the last few weeks we’ve had political heavy weights such as Morrissey, Sean Penn and Roger Walters no less coming out and saying Britain, and the inhabitants of  the islands are all wrong, and the land should belong to Argentina.

The local newspaper on the islands “The Penguin” recently received a storm of abuse after it labeled a photo of Argentinean President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchener ‘bitch’. The label was quickly removed, and according to Lisa Watson (the newspaper’s editor) it was a mistake best put down to a “dry sense of humour among the paper’s staff”.

Argentina symbolically places Las Malvinas in a little box on all maps of the country, and recently declared it intended to do so on all official clothing at the London Olympics this summer (or winter if your Argentinean, or Falklandish). But now the islanders have hit back with this photo outside a supermarket in Port Stanley removing Argentina from the map of South America.

Whatever the wrongs and rights of Britain claiming the Falklands in the first place, or the timing of sending Flight Lieutenant Wales (or Prince William Duke of Cambridge husband to Kate and heir to the British throne as he is more commonly know), self-determination – the UN trump card – puts the islands firmly in Britain’s court.

No doubt we haven’t heard the last of this, but hopefully from here on in we can steer clear of diplomacy by celebrity.

Maybe Democracy Doesn’t Work

“People of Slovakia! We will build a new bridge! One to united us and Austria in geographical union. We (the generic authorities) humbly leave the decision to name this new landmark to you, the people. Now, what say you?”

“Chuck Norris.”

The grandiose speech may not have taken place (we’ve added this for comic effect…hopefully), but the result is all fact. A new bridge, for cyclists and pedestrians will run over the Morava river into Austria. The naming has been opened up to public vote. Other leading candidates such as “Maria Theresa” after the Austro-Hungarian Empress, and the “Devinska Cycling Bridge” after a nearby town have been left trailing in the wake of public opinion to name the bridge after martial-arts expert and 80s film actor Chuck Norris.

The final decision will be made by “officials” but they have promised to follow the lead of the public. And it is some lead. Currently Chuck Norris has 74% of the vote, leading Maria Theresa trailing in second place with 8%.

As in many other parts of the world Mr Norris has become a bit of a cult figure, spawning numerous jokes about invincibility and machoness. “Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.” “Ghosts sit round campfires telling Chuck Norris stories.” “Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.”etc etc

I’m not sure this necessarily puts him in the same category as other people who have had roads and monuments named after them, Martin Luther King Jr, Nelson Mandela, and JFK are currently top of the leader-board. However last year a bridge in Aberdeen, Washington USA was nearly named after Kurt Cobain after a public vote. So maybe he’s exactly the type of person you name a bridge after.